Signs Of Low Self Esteem

Are the signs of low self esteem manifesting themselves in somebody you know? It could be someone in your family, or maybe a friend or co-worker, but if someone you love suffers from low self esteem, you need to know how to determine the signs.

The first thing to remember is that all of us doubt ourselves to a certain degree at least once in our lives. For instance, you may be going through some stress at work and find coping with other, unrelated issues to be quite an ordeal. A person whose self esteem is already high would size things up, and immediately think of ways to rectify the situation and at least lighten the load. But a person with low self esteem would put the blame on themselves, even if it appears to be nobody’s fault. Or sometimes, they will blame other people.

When dealing with other people, a person with a very poor opinion of himself/herself would exude negativity either way you look at it. This could include making themselves appear persecuted. They would look for a scapegoat, and oftentimes it would be everybody’s fault but theirs. Everything negative that would happen to them would be somebody else’s fault. It has to be somebody’s fault.

Oftentimes they don’t realize that they’re dodging accountability for their lives. And the root of this is a belief that they cannot do anything right and cannot satisfy their own needs. They believe that their state of negativity is pre-determined and cannot be changed. And while they, in all fairness, want to feel good about the way they are, they resort to using other people as scapegoats.

If a person close to you is guilty of this self-destructive behavior, you can try helping them by advising them of areas they can work on to solve whatever their problems may be. But be prepared to have your good efforts rejected. They will find ways to make your ideas and suggestions look like folly. It is often better just to tell them what you like about them. They just might believe you (though they often won’t) and think that they’ve been doing too much whining, so they’ll at least tone down this way.

Another one of the signs of low self esteem is a person who allows themselves to be used by others. When the other person jumps, they would ask “how high” – they will bend over backwards just to satisfy the other person’s often unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, people do not usually value those who are so eager to please. It’s like that kid you may have encountered in high school or college, getting all of you drunk in the keg party just to win himself some friends. While everybody at that keg party may have gone home intoxicated and/or happy, the kid’s ploy still wouldn’t work – it’s his weakness, and not his generosity that drove him to throw the party.

“-Holics” – people addicted to something (not necessary alcohol), people dissatisfied with life and those who hop from partner to partner or job to job suffer from obvious signs of low self esteem. And even if it may not work out the best in the long run, these people would often seek the quickest solution just to get the monkey off their back. For example, they may feel underqualified for their present job, so they’d look for another one after just a few weeks or months. Rather than working on a relationship they will keep looking for the perfect partner with whom, they think, no effort will be required.

A low self esteem can be fixed, no question about that. It just takes a certain willingness to change for the better. It starts with noticing the problem, acknowledging it, and doing what we could to sort things out. So if you have any of these signs of low self esteem yourself, now is the time to take action.

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