The Importance of Female Self-Esteem in Healthy Relationships

Before a man can truly love a woman, his respect for her must be at level 8 or above (on a scale of 1-10). But even before a man can truly love and respect you, you must love and respect YOURSELF!

Remember, like is drawn to like.

To have high self esteem means to feel competent and worthy, to respect and stand up for your interests
and needs and to cope with the challenges of life.

Those with high self-esteem are ambitious and embrace their experiences in life emotionally, creatively, and spiritually. The higher our self esteem, the more
likely we are to treat others with respect, kindness and consideration since we do not perceive them as a
threat to our peace of mind or security.

On the other hand, having low self esteem means that you suffer from feelings of inadequacy, insecurity,
self-doubt, guilt, and fear. You are more likely to enter into destructive relationships. You may recognize
that in the back of your mind a nasty little voice constantly reminds you that you are “not enough.”

Those with low self-esteem may also be arrogant, boastful, or overstate their abilities in an attempt to “puff themselves up.” Those with low self-esteem frequently attempt to glorify themselves at the expense of others by verbally discounting, mistreating, or physically abusing them in an effort to feel more powerful or elevate themselves.

Know When to Get Out or Just Say NO!

How we feel about OURSELVES affects virtually every aspect of our lives – from the way we function at
work, in love, in sex, to the way we operate as parents. And (excluding mental, emotional or physical
problems that are biological in origin) most of the social ills and personal problems we suffer originate in an environment of low self esteem: alcohol and drug abuse, underachievement, spousal battering, child
molestation, sexual dysfunction, emotional immaturity, suicide, and setting ourselves up to be used.

For those of you that call yourself having a man but still spend important holidays alone; have a man that
you have been dating for years that refuses to marry you; have a man in your life that doesn’t open doors or
pull out your chair for you or treat you like a lady; or have a husband that cheats whenever he gets ready
with no fear of repercussions – know that somewhere down the line you have failed one or more of his
tests.

If your man has changed in his treatment towards you and no longer treats you as special and important as he did previously that means he is probably not ready to leave the relationship completely yet, but he has already moved you out of the running as a serious contender for his affections. In his mind he already decided that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”

He may feel he does not have to treat you like a lady because in some way you have disappointed him and convinced him that you don’t deserve to be treated with high regard.

In these cases, I would recommend that you recognize this relationship will NEVER fulfill your needs. No matter how painful the loss may seem, it is best to abandon that relationship and start fresh with another man.

Take Responsibility For Your Choices and
Become a Winner in the Game of Love!

We make choices every day of our lives. Admittedly, some of the choices we make are not in our best
interest over the long run. Perhaps these imprudent choices are dictated, not by thoughtful respect for
ourselves, but instead by the desire for immediate gratification, a sense of desperation, a refusal to accept reality, or plain old low self esteem.

And even though (as stated by Carl Jung) “The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases,” it is my firm belief that a woman who thought highly of and valued herself, her sexuality and her heart would not engage in the behaviors associated with being a ‘ho.

By using the tests outlined above as a guideline, you can quickly determine where you have been going wrong
in your dealings with men and adjust your program accordingly to develop the relationship of your dreams.

By behaving in a way that commands respect from the men you meet, you will win the right man’s respect,
admiration, heart and ultimately his undying devotion.

(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.



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